That Burger King guy on the TV,
With the huge crowned head and beard,
Is so incredibly frightening —
He really just seems outright weird.
He’s just right there with that awkward grin
On his big old plastic face.
I’m telling you, everything about that guy
Seems so way out of place.
How about Jack-in-the-Box man,
With his great big goofy round head?
Old Jack doesn’t bother me at all —
I would rather see him instead.
Ain’t nothing wrong with Colonel Sanders;
He acts quite Southern and polite.
And yes, his Kentucky Fried Chicken
Is quite the greasy delight.
What about Little Caesar,
With his orange toga and crown of leaves?
He’s not scaring anyone
With his pizza covered in cheese.
I even remember the Kip’s Big Boy,
Standing tall with burger in hand.
He had a big smile on his face —
But nothing like creepy Burger King man.
No, I’ve not forgotten Ronald McDonald,
Or the Hamburglar and Mayor McCheese.
There is nothing in their appearance
To make me feel ill at ease.
The Grimace was a Golden Arch oddball,
An eggplant-looking, strange thing.
Although it was purple and hairy,
It never scared not one human being.
Hey! Remember the little chihuahua —
The “Yo quiero” dog of Taco Bell?
He never terrified anyone —
Just a bunch of burritos did sell.
Wendy, the little red-headed cutie,
With those ponytails hanging on high,
Couldn’t possibly freak out anyone —
Nothing like Burger King guy.
But the best and least bit scary
Is the awesome Chick-fil-A cow.
Even though he’s after the chickens,
He scares me not — none, no how!
All black and white and friendly,
With his “Eat Mor Chikin” sign,
Nothing scary about eating his nuggets,
And his sandwiches are a favorite of mine.
So, everyone stay alert and aware,
Let no fast food freaks in your dreams,
And know that if you visit them too often
You may pop the buttons on your blue jeans.
